The Urban Elf

Do I want to walk that beach with you
or do I just want to walk that beach
with stars singing hymns to joy
with my hand held
in the warming grip
of a man who is still a boy?
Do I want to roll
in that dune with you
or is it only just a dream
of an archetype
and a promised love
that will rescue me
from this chilling scene?
Do I want to gaze
into your eyes
and see my future there
or do I only seek
for some pair of eyes
that will reflect on my life with care?
Do I want to taste the honey
of your sweet kiss
or kiss some myth
I’ve long been chasing?
Do I want to find my home
in your embrace
or just fall into a warmth
of the memory
I never have quite shaken?
It’s a new thing
a scary thing
fast and full of promise.
Is it the one thing
the one true thing
that resonates in my bones?
I’ve been a long time
on this road
and weary from the travelling.
I’ve been a long way
away from home
so long that I’m often mistaken.
Do I want to walk that beach
alone with you
letting love unfold beneath the moon
or am I only so lonely
that I can’t see
that I just might jump too soon?
You are a promise
that may never be fulfilled.
Are you a dream
from which I should awaken?
Are you the promised one
I’ve been waiting for
or am I impetuous
from the years that have passed
while my heart has refused to stop aching?
These are the questions I ask
these are the things that I fear
as I navigate my path.
Are you the golden boy
the savior come
or the avatar of my aftermath?
Do I want to walk that beach
alone with you
as the stars hum in silent conceit
or do I merely wish
not to walk alone
on this road that offers no retreat?
Don’t be cross.
Don’t take it personally.
Please don’t think I doubt your ardor.
This is only me
as I’ve come to be
a hollow reflection
of an innocent believer
now only Cupid’s war rattled
and gun-shy martyr.


R. L. Allison 1/19/05