The Urban Elf

Tidying my bedchamber I discovered several queer looking scraps of paper covered in the ravings of a mad man. Indeed I am as yet not entirely sure if the level of my alarm fell or rose upon the realization that the scribblings were in fact in my own hand. These fragments of a fragmented mind were marked with nothing indicating the dates of their creation, though I suspect the oldest of them could not have crawled from my pen any earlier than nine months ago. Here transcribed are two of the more coherent bits... of scrawl.
_______________________

Show me what you meant to say
Wrong or right
Written down in black and white
All those years ago
When tears softened reason
When anything we said
Was grounds for treason
What is it you meant to say
Falling down on resurrection day
People praise the truth they see
What was the lie you gave to me
When shallow came the tide of truth
Eroding sand from hollow roots
The myth of we still stood in vane
Sneering at my every pain
It could have been
Would have been
Excuses I should never
Ever have uttered
No wonder
Now my heart
From the storm is shuttered
____________________


Stop haunting my mind,
A happy ghost
Of an unseen time
Thrilling my possibility
With your uncertain reality
And its kisses
Made of air
And imagination.

.
You with the illegal eyes
Looking at me like I’m the prize
Do you want my heart
Or just my soul
In some flesh pile version of rock ‘n’ roll?
The island left
And the mountains held
Can you love two cities
Or is one just sacrifice to the swell?
I’ve seen the fire
In those weaponized eyes
Held that fire between my thighs
But does the volcano create land to till
Or mindlessly conquer deaf to the kill?

.
I need someone to help me forget
To push him from my mind
‘Cause no matter what my heart wants
He’s never going to be mine
I reach out into darkness
Reality is heartless
And fantasy brings only pain
I need someone, need someone
Who can make me feel happy again

Spins my head around
Laughing in the sunlight
Your hands in my hair
Dancing in the moonlight
Filled with your desire
Our eyes reflect the fire
That will burn the past away
Dawn a brand new day

Seeing them together
Is knowing this forever
Is never going to be mine
I’m trying to outgrow this
Yet it sometimes feels
I’ve lived too long
And I just don’t have the time
I need someone, need someone
Who can make me feel happy again

Spins my head around
Laughing in the sunlight
Your hands in my hair
Dancing in the moonlight
Filled with your desire
Our eyes reflect the fire
That will burn the past away
It’s the only way

I need someone to help me forget
And lets me feel happy again
Let me feel happy again

Spin my head around
Laughing in the sunlight
Your hands in my hair
Dancing in the moonlight
Filled with our desire
Our eyes reflect the fire
And burn the past away
It’s a brand new day

What do you do when all your lost loves are so empirically lost that sad songs just ring hollow?

I have spent my life chasing the love that might be, could be… if only just, maybe.

What do you do when you know that all of the ones still extant unequivocally won’t be?

My pathos is hollow.

My narrative leads nowhere.

I guess my story can only be about me.

I have spent my whole life living in reflection… if only of a dream.

I don’t know what to do… with no grail to attain and no sword on which to fall.

Is this tragedy all that I am?